I am so thankful for Melissa writing as a guest author today. Her feelings as a young mother are so valid and common but often go unaddressed for years. It takes strength to look inside yourself and make changes for the better. It’s been a blessing over the years to have Melissa as a friend, and I will always be grateful for her!
What is driving you? Is your life ruled by fear, fear that is hindering your ability and altering your mindset? Or are you pursuing joy in life, taking every opportunity, and finding the good in everything? I am a (new-ish) mother of two beautiful boys, and for most of my life, I was driven by fear. Fear was at the root of most of my obstacles I couldn’t seem to navigate through in life. I couldn’t hold healthy relationships, I couldn’t communicate well, I couldn’t say, “no” to anyone, I couldn’t relax, and I couldn’t find true joy that lasted in any area of my life. Fear was ruling my life and rearing its ugly lies on a daily basis. I was anxiety-stricken about the “what-if’s” in life—what if they don’t like me? What if he cheats on me? what if I get hurt? what if I’m not good enough? what if something bad happens? I went on living in this miserable state, squandering my time and my opportunities for joy for almost 23 years! As if the paranoia wasn’t enough, the way it was being presented in my life was worse; it was coming out in the form of anger! I would wake up angry—angry about the exhaustion I felt from my mind always wandering about everything bad that could happen, and bad things that had happened happening again! I fought with controlling my emotions, often becoming enraged over things that were minuet, or even non-existent. I would fight with my boyfriend (now husband), spewing the most hateful words I could come up with, not because I actually hated him, but because I was afraid of losing him. I truly began to believe fears I had concocted up in my head—worst case scenarios about what family members thought of me, what friends said about me when I wasn’t around, and how people viewed my appearance in public.
Fast-forward two years, I got married and finally after the birth of our first son, I thankfully hit rock bottom! I say thankfully because it was what I needed to overcome it all. I developed post-partum depression, and the fear took its biggest form yet, consuming me in its path. I was terrified. I became anxious about my child’s safety on a ridiculous level, dwelled on my marriage possibly failing, and questioned my purpose in life. The paranoia was overwhelming in most every situation. I would see images in my head of us crashing in the family vehicle every time we went out. I would imagine someone stealing my child out of the shopping cart at the store or our home being broken into while my husband was on business trips. I would check the doors to the house and our bedroom multiple times to ensure they were locked. I would worry constantly my husband would find someone better elsewhere because, “I wasn’t good enough”.
About three months after our first son was born, I suffered a miscarriage. The loss of our baby, along with some other trauma from my past I had shared with very few people (out of fear of them thinking less of me), and my progressing post-partum depression, my broken road was brought to a full forced stop at a Christian counseling center. I was re-introduced and reunited with my gracious, loving, all-powerful, arms-wide-open God. My Savior that I had (for whatever reason) placed on the back burner in my life took root in my aching heart, and with Him came all of the answers I had been searching for.
So, let’s look at what the Bible says about fear. John 10:9-10 (ESV) says, “I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” That fear that was ruling my life was a lie from the enemy set to steal my joy that God intended for me. I was missing out on all the gifts and promises God planned for my life…Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
I have been shown time and time again, my fear is most powerful when I am straying from the path with God. I don’t expect I will never fear again—that’s unrealistic, but the amount of power I give it is completely controlled by me. The Bible reminds us of the tools and amour God gives us to cope with and defend ourselves against fear: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil…Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm…having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication…” Ephesians 6:10-18 (ESV). One of the hardest things for me to master in overcoming fear was forgetting to depend solely on myself and remembering to lean on God.
Everyone has moments of weakness, but I promise the more you put into practice the methods God challenges us to overcome fear, the easier it will become a habit you don’t even have to think about doing! A verse I often reflect on is one I’d heard over and over again with no meaningful resonance until one Sunday in church when the words hit me like a ton of bricks. The verse is Psalm 23:4 which says, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” I recite it to myself when fear tries to creep in, and it comforts me just as the Bible promises. I think once we let go of what we think our plans are in life, and trust God to provide stability, love, purpose, and a safe place, nothing could cause fear or steal our joy in life. God calls us to give the excess load we cannot carry to Him: “casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (ESV).
An artist by the name of Zach Williams wrote a song about fear I hold dear to my heart, with the lyrics:
“Fear he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
Cause fear he is a liar
Let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears
Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel”
Maybe your story is a little different than mine. Perhaps you see fear ruling the lives of your children who are hyper focused on the absolute perfect growth plate for fear—social media! Perhaps you are missing your potential of guiding someone to Christ because of the fear our society is pushing every day. Do you crave the courage of Daniel in the face of lions? Or the boldness he had in his faith in God to pray in the window, despite the laws of his land (how much does that resonate in today’s world?) but fear is hindering you? Or maybe the fear of illness has isolated you from others, choking out the past joys in life? Whatever your situation, I challenge you to recognize it, give it to God, and seek joy!
