Alder Daniel’s Birth Story

It’s hard for me to grasp going into having my third delivery and not really knowing what to expect as far as birthing goes.

With my first two children, I wasn’t in active labor. I had been talked into a scheduled induction with my first at 39 weeks on the nose. My second, I was essentially held captive by my provider for being “kind of in labor” and that I wouldn’t be discharged until I had the baby.

Both deliveries I was confined to a bed, had medications and procedures pushed at everyturn, talks of pain management, baby’s status, and the “next step” would be if things didn’t begin progressing on their own.

Now, before I continue. I’m not bashing the medical field, or the doctor I had at the time. There absolutely are policies and procedures in place for the safety of both mommas and babies.

Unfortunately, when your own convictions and values (throughout all of your healthy pregnancies) seem to butt heads with those standards, finding an alternative to a hospital birth was a priority with my latest pregnancy.

(Stirling 2016)

At 34 weeks with Declan, tired of being poked and prodded into scheduling another induction, we tried switching to a birth center with no luck since we were so far along.

Many friends had expressed how wonderful their home birth with a midwife was, and I had always filed that under, “Good for you, but not for me.” – That is, until I really began dreading the upcoming hospital delivery.

We met with midwives who were highly recommended, and I began considering the idea. (However, even with my second delivery, I still felt like I had no idea what to expect and became overwhelmed with the idea of a home birth.)

We delivered in the hospital after almost 18hrs of no food, bed confinement, pressured into another epidural, and finally the start of pitocin to “move things along”.

(Declan 2018)

Both experiences felt cold, scheduled, and sterile – just like the hospital we stayed in.

Why Choose a Home Birth?

I asked my husband why he was so pro-home birth. His initial answer was, “Because you were.”

But he expanded to, “And I saw both times how you basically relinquish control while you’re at the hospital. The medicine they pumped into you definitely took it’s toll on you afterwards. I haven’t seen you struggle like you did after the birth of the older boys.” (Paraphrased)

And he was right. Certainly you can refuse some treatments while in the hospital, but it’s usually not without an argument. The general tone everytime we refused (or tried to) something was very patronizing.

Medical freedom is important. It’s vital to our healthcare system, as is proper information and consent.

When we found out we were pregnant with our third baby, it was at the height of the 2020 pandemic scare, threats of mandatory vaccinations, horror stories of hospitals separating babies from their mothers, and tales of the father’s not being allowed in the delivery room were rampant.

Terrible riots were sweeping the nation, anger and fear set the tone for so many interactions.

For me, a home delivery this time around seemed to not only allow us to choose our own path, but the safest option.

*Of course, we were in very experienced hands with our midwives and birth team. If there were any complications, we would have gone to the hospital immediately.*

My Third Delivery

As soon as we found out we were expecting again, we contacted those same home birth midwives. Paid in full, and committed ourselves to a home birth journey.

I read books, prepared simple freezer meals and drinks for labor, watched videos, and discussed everything at legnth with my two boys.

Not once during the whole prenatal journey with my midwives did I feel like a burden, or that I was lacking in some way. They were very informative, kind, and compassionate.

Around the 30ish week mark, I began getting the feeling I was going to have the baby early. (Why? I don’t know. I supposed a mother’s intuition.) Each week that passed felt like an accomplishment. Another week that baby was bigger and would be better equipped for the outside world.

When we reached the 36 week mark, we had our home visit with the midwives. This allowed them to get familiar with the layout of the house, walk through some basics, and set a tentative plan for where things will happen. I felt very strongly that day that baby would come early and made sure to voice my concern. An ideal home birth is 37 weeks gestation or longer for baby’s health and development.

My new mission? Keep baby in for at least 5 more days!

On Mondays we usually have dinner at my in-laws with other family members. I was officially 37 weeks that day, the 18th, and felt much better about the whole situation. I remember joking with one of Bryce’s cousins about going over my due date with baby because I was so convinced baby would come early.

Little did I know, the beginnings of labor would awaken that night like a fire in my stomach.

Around 2:30 that morning, I awoke to a searing pain that spread down my belly and into my pelvis. I thought it odd, but when nothing further happened, fell back asleep.

The pain and contractions started again around 4:30. These were much different than any Braxton Hicks or contractions I felt in my previous contractions. They were deeper, lingered, and seemed to carry a weight to them. After an hour of enduring these silently, the boys woke up and I told Bryce he should probably clear out space in our room for the birth tub.

I contacted our midwife and let her know something was brewing. These weren’t the typical “textbook” contractions of 5 minutes apart. They seemed somewhat sporadic, so my rational brain told me not to even contact her. My ‘Momma’s Intuition” said otherwise.

I gave her a rundown of the events that far and tried to continue about our morning as usual. Things seemed to taper off, going from a contraction every 7-8 minutes to every 15 or 20. I loaded the boys up for preschool, sent Bryce off to work, and tried to continue on as usual.

Near 11, they had almost completely stopped and I will admit, I felt a little silly for overreacting. I chalked part of it up to having convinced myself we were going to deliver early.

By 12:30 they came back with a vengeance. More frequent and took more concentration to continue doing simple tasks. My midwife decided to come over for a check, and I contacted Bryce to come home from work. I still wasn’t sure if *this is what labor feels like* but I knew I was having difficulty taking care of the boys and getting through the contractions.

Bryce came home shortly after, and my midwife Lauren did, too. She was so cool and calm, just having her here was a breath of fresh air. She recommended someone come pick up the boys (who had both decided did not want to be home during delivery – which was fine) to allow me to concentrate fully on what my body was preparing for.

Her birthing assistant arrived shortly after and was another reassurance I was in good hands. They both seemed to know intuitively when I was starting to feel anxious and made for very good company and conversation.

During this time the contractions were progressing, I began having to focus on making sure to breathe through each one. I started feeling like I was losing control of my body, as when one would start, I simply couldn’t move anymore.

Thankfully, by 5:00, the birth tub was filled. I still had this silly notion that I might not actually be in labor. The contractions were more consistent and painful, but I still didn’t feel like it

Holy moly. Pushing was intense. I remember feeling like everything was loud (probably because everything was, I couldn’t control the volume of my voice). It felt like an eternity, when from first push to the last was perhaps 10 minutes. The mind is a fickle thing. Because even though I felt like I needed to fight for control over what was happening, my body already had.

I really only remember feeling exhausted and getting encouragement from my husband, midwife, and birthing assistant.

Before I knew it, everything was over. Baby had been born gently in the water, caught by daddy. He was so quiet when he was born, just content to finally be earthside! Once the cord could be cut, Alder and I were whisked away into an herbal bath where I was able to nurse, Bryce fed me, and we could both admire this beautiful, new little life!

Several checks were done on myself and baby and then we were tucked in bed, the ladies cleaned up and said their goodbyes! Bryce and I were able to rest so well that night in our own bed (without anyone coming in like clock work to check on myself and the baby. I got more sleep that first night at home than I did combined with both of the boys in the hospital!

• 

• 

• 

• 

Would I do a home birth again?

Bryce asked me this question right after delivery. At the time, I told him I absolutely don’t want to have another baby in the hospital, but I wouldn’t choose unmedicated again. (Which obviously, is not possible). However, since it’s been over a week since little Alder was born, the memory and intensity of the pain from pushing has practically completely faded.

My recovery seems to be going much better. I don’t feel nearly as anxious or as groggy as I did after delivering in the hospital. I also don’t have a bunch of strangers telling me how I should be nursing, sleeping, or caring for my newborn.

I would absolutely choose a home birth again, if we’re blessed with another baby in the future!

A special thanks to my entire midwife team! Thank you for all of your time, patience, and skill as you cared for us! You are so very appreciated. <3